A diesel boat came back from patrol and the pipe was made “All Part III books to the Wardroom. So all the Part III’s mustered at the wardroom except for one junior rating who had a pack of cards. The First Lieutenant said to him “Where is your Part III book?

The boy replied “Sir, I lost my Part III book down Q Recess and so I use this Deck of Cards instead.”

The First Lieutenant replied “Because of this, I am putting you on Captain’s report.

The rating was taken in front of the Captain said to him, “If you do not have a good reason, I will punish you as no other rating has ever been punished.”

The rating began laying out the deck of cards.

When I see the Ace, it tells me that there is but one Main Line.

When I see the Two, it reminds me of the planes – Fwd and Aft.

When I see the Three, it reminds of the three watch system – Red, White & Blue.

When I see the Four, it reminds me of the four types of torpedo – Mk8, 20, 23 & 24.

When I see the Five, it reminds me of the five compartments – Forends,  Accom. Space,  Control Room, Engine Room & After ends.

..and when I see the Six, it reminds me of the Six Valve Chest.

Sir, when I see the Seven, it reminds me of the number of masts – Fwd Periscope, After Periscope, Radar, ECM, Snort Induction, WT and Snort Exhaust.

When I see the Eight, it reminds me of the eight torpedo tubes – 6 Fwd & 2 aft.

When I see the Nine, it reminds me of the punishment I will get for losing my Part III book.

When I see the Ten, it reminds me of the number of months we have run from Faslane when being an SM1 boat.

When I see the Jack, it reminds me of all the jacky bastards living in the Fwd Mess.

When I see the Queen it reminds of me of Polaris Submarines and all the queens that man them.

When I see the King, it reminds me of you sir – the Captain.

There are two Jokers in the pack – the number of times I have been home this year.

There are Four suits, one for each mess – Fwd, Aft, Senior Rates and that other one.

There are Twelve picture cards, one each for the number of killicks that seem to be on my back at any one time.

There are Thirteen tricks, one each for the number of killicks that are on my back at any one time.

There are Fifty Two cards, one for each of the sailors that the Jimmy thinks are onboard.

There are Three Hundred & Sixty Five Spots, the number of days we turn to in a year.

And so you see Sir, my deck of cards serves me as a Part III Book, SMP6, Watch & Station Bill and Leave Record.

You see folks, this story is true – I was that Part III.

N.B. I was awarded 10 days nines, 30 Days stoppage of leave, 30 days stoppage of Submarine Pay and picked up for a haicut on the way out.

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